How to Turn a Variable Life into a Meaningful One

Every time I say goodbye to friends I love, it’s a grieving process.

After a week back together with the people who’ve influenced me the most over the past 12 years, it doesn’t seem right that we must part ways again.

I’ve never been one for long goodbyes. But I’ve never been good at long-term and long-distance relationships, either, until I decided I needed to be. Though we lived across the country, we kept the conversations going. Those friends became brothers, and we kept the brotherhood growing between video calls and each other’s wedding weekends, surprise visits and holidays back home. Those connections changed me. Those people changed me.

So I will continue to wrestle through long goodbyes, heartfelt embraces, and well wishes until we meet again. We will keep the conversations going across the country and across the city some of us now share.

Too Important For Chance

You can enjoy good things you stumble into, but it requires effort to stay in those good things. Whether it’s a life partner, a great job, a deep friendship, or a hobby that gives life to your body and mind, those things matter. They’re too important to leave to happenstance.

By chance you have moments to relate to others, but commitment builds a relationship with them. (tweet this)

Sometimes things will swing around again, coming full circle to a kind of bliss you experienced before but you didn’t expect to have again. You’ll get to live in the same city as your best friends or many of you will reunite every couple years to celebrate big occasions. That is the business of life: to keep on plodding forward, to find you’ve reinvented yourself while still remaining the same you, to experience better iterations of what you thought had ended but is really another waypoint on the journey forward.

The Truth About Our Variable Lives

Our lives are full of variables.

We will each live in different houses, work different jobs, date different people, surround ourselves with different communities—and all of that is OK. There is profound beauty in the variables of life. Yet some of the most promising ones become stronger as they become more consistent.

Some of life’s most valuable variables are the ones that change into constants. (tweet this)

Don’t be afraid to commit to a person, a job, a cause, and a community. You might just find the kind of life you’ve been looking for.


What’s one commitment you made that changed your life for the better?


I’m writing a book about making the most of the variables in our lives and growing through change, conflict, and relationships. Want to learn more about it? Find details here and read a free chapter preview here.

2 responses to “How to Turn a Variable Life into a Meaningful One

  1. Very nice John! I just got around to reading this. Lots of good truth in here and good challenges to remain focused on not letting important relationships go by the wayside even when distance separates.

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