The Secret Enemy In Your Marriage – RELEVANT Magazine

photo credit: shawesome

photo credit: shawesome

I’m grateful for the chance to share excerpts from my book with folks at RELEVANT Magazine. Take a look, and I’d love to hear what you think! (You can start reading my book here for free.)


We had been married just over a year.

After another demanding week at work, neither of us wanted to get into it. And with changes going on in our families, we were both emotionally and mentally distracted. There was a high probability we would say things we didn’t mean and make matters worse.

What was it about? I don’t even remember, to tell you the truth. But I do remember that we exchanged complaints, barely restraining the passion over the injustice we each believed we had suffered from each other.

Both angry, both hurt, we walked into separate rooms and stewed on the facts of what felt like a derailed relationship. Our tendency in the conflict was to isolate because it was easier than trying to resolve it.

We thought we wouldn’t have the marriage troubles others had.

How naive of us to assume we had all the answers when we had barely even begun to understand the questions.

What Really Poisons a Marriage?

In the many times we walked away from conflict instead of talking through it, my wife and I fell prey to the secret enemy that hides in every marriage.

Conflict won’t poison your marriage; unexpressed conflict will. (share)

Read the full article on


What’s one thing you’ve had to overcome to make your marriage better?


Find more in John’s new book, The Variable Life: Finding Clarity and Confidence in a World of Choices. Start reading for free at

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